Ok I’ll make it very simple: Is there anyone who has gone from a semi autistic state (like one of those guys that you might see that doesn’t look you in the eye and is generally fairly socially incompetent especially in sexual matters but not a full blown autistic) – so gone from that state to higher than average level of being able to read and understand people and the overall social environment? I’m not quite sure if this would be exactly an empathic awakening as it’s not so much about feeling the emotions of other people but rather knowing them and allowing better communication.
So how about a narrative? Everyone seems to love ‘em and have I got one for you.
So I had a fairly normal childhood except my family moved around a bit to various countries which meant that it was difficult for me to establish long term friendships, so by the time we finally did stop moving I was pretty much on the outer socially but that is no big deal. At the time I went to university I felt I was pretty much like my peers. Of course university began a shakedown of my peer group and I became more socially isolated at that time. Now in terms of relationships I had a number of friends but never had any girlfriend. The reason for this is that although I was of above average looks and intelligence I lacked social confidence and competence with the opposite sex. In short I was seen as a ‘weird guy’. This lack of sexual relationships pushed me into some darker places intellectually as I sought to explain my lack of success in this area. I even started writing manifestos and the like. In short I was an incel long before I or anyone had ever heard the term.
Now to be clear, I can very easily prove this. I have the writings that I did at that time and although (of course) I didn’t have the terminology that people now use, they were clearly incel writings.
Anyway, this went on for a number of years during which I had a chronic illness that added to my woes. I tried various things to cure my illness but I could only manage to at best control it. As for girls I had pretty much given up.
So by my early 20s I was getting desperate, while in Las Vegas I decided to accept an invitation from a prostitute just so I could finally have sex. After that for a number of years I was in the situation that I had had sex but I had never been kissed by a girl.
Then in my mid 20s I ended up going to London and an event occurred which absolutely transformed my perception of the world. I was living with small time drug dealers and I took some drugs which they gave me which I was told was ecstasy and went out to a club. After a while I thought that the drugs hadn’t worked and I may as well just go home. Well it hit me on the bus on the way home and it was the best feeling I had ever felt. It was like my whole body was having an orgasm, ongoing for a long time. Furthermore, it was like I suddenly knew everything. I could understand how everything worked. It was like the most incredible thing I have ever experienced. I had some more drugs the following weekend and I felt like I could see and understand the social environment. Although this feeling wore off when the drugs wore off.
Then unfortunately I had to leave the UK. I had a stopover in China where I stayed for a while. It was there that I made my big breakthrough. I had been continuing my writings of incel-like explanations of the social world when I decided to test out a particular hypothesis. I’m not going to tell you what that hypothesis was for reasons I will get on to later.
But holy shit – what an eye opener. Instant results. Suddenly I could get the insight into the social environment that I had when on the drugs – but without the drugs!
What followed was the most amazing period of my life of intense concentrated learning, of which I was documenting in incel style and reforming my view of the social world.
Then I had some shocks. The shocks were twofold: One was was a particular kind of social contact which I felt was both extreme in its implications and more importantly outside my control. Secondly I was shocked to discover that the social environment contained truths which meant that people were violating both my own values and theirs.
These shocks brought my major period of learning to an end. It had only lasted about a month or so. I found myself back in a similar place to where I had started but for different reasons. Before I had seemed shy and nervous because I couldn’t see the social environment and didn’t understand it. Now I seemed a similar way but because I saw the environment all too well and did not want to see the horrors that lurked there, nor to evoke those horrors. I call this breakdown “the horror” because I didn’t want to see the truth of the social environment. It would take me many years to become able to fully deal with the things I had seen.
With regards to relationships with opposite sex I was certainly in a much more beneficial state of being able to do things that I previously had not been able to do, as I felt a great deal of confidence about the social environment compared the blindness I had once had. This enabled me to finally have a girlfriend who I ended up going overseas with. While overseas it was a relief because I was in an Asian culture and did not feel the same expectations on my behaviour as at home. Whilst there I began to coalesce my writings into a book which I called “What it is – A Journey To The End of Philosophy”. (Currently behind a big fat paywall on Amazon) I didn’t know what to do with this book but I felt it was important to record my discoveries. One big problem however was that I didn’t feel that I could promote this information for a couple of different reasons. One was that I didn’t want to be identified as the author of the book because I felt it might interrupt my personal life and secondly, I felt that since I had gone through this traumatic time with discovering the truth of the social environment, what if everyone was to go through that trauma at once? What kind of social effect would that have? It might be a revolutionary prospect. You wouldn’t know what would happen. For instance you might not like Islam but if you were living in Saudi Arabia and everyone stopped believing in it at once it might be quite a scary prospect as to what would happen next. In the case of western society I came to believe that it’s all one big lie that forms a meta-myth around which our lives are structured and if that myth was broken by the intrusion of social reality then what happened next could be a terrifying and chaotic collapse in to anarchy in a bad way. So that’s the main reason I keep my mouth shut as to what’s going on.
Once me and my partner started to have kids it became easier since I had plenty of other issues to deal with but then along came Elliot Rodger. Now at that time I knew about the PUA movement and I thought what a bunch of clowns – all they need to be able to do is see, not all this other bullshit they were promoting. But I didn’t know about the incel movement per se and I thought “These are some guys that could use my help”. I once thought like Elliot Rodger and I can understand these guys. So I decided to try and ‘join’ the community in a low key sort of way to see what I could do to help. But it didn’t really work because I saw that there was no way to reach these guys. They said they wanted help and that they would try anything to get a girl but they wouldn’t try even very basic things. They just wanted to luxuriate in their own helplessness like sort of adult babies. Literally people with the sexual understanding of a child with the intellectual capacities of an adult and incredible hornyness. Now in many ways they had a point. In the past such persons would have been scraped up by some desperate woman and set to work in exchange for sex and even love. But its hardly their fault that society has changed. It was actually men that set woman to work in the world wars as a full mobilisation of society. Once this was combined with the pill it was all over for your typical nice loser male. So all of their theories were right – in a way. I had the same sort of theories myself. Society doesn’t accept incel theory, not because its wrong but because its politically incorrect
Now I have no clue what kind of society I believe would develop if everyone could see the social environment. Perhaps it would be more like Ancient Greek society in which case it might not be too bad. But I digress.
I again got distracted by life and now its more than a decade since I first discovered the psycho-sexual environment and the world has no more knowledge of it now than it did then. One good thing about that is that I have learnt that if I speak in general terms about it then people don’t care. It doesn’t mean anything to them. So that’s lucky!
On the other hand this situation is a lonely one. I know about this thing that others don’t. I can ‘see’ them but they can’t ‘see’ me. So I’ve got to ask myself: Surely there’s someone else out there like me? The internet is a big place. I would expect to be able to find other people if there were people like that out there but I have
LSD or acid telepathy seems to fit, as does The Oliver Sacks story “The President’s Speech” but in general there is very little.
So on the internet you’ve got various communities. There’s autistics – people who don’t get the social environment at all and then there’s incels being people who don’t get the sexual environment and/or are going at it from the wrong sexual stance. Then there’s a whole lot of normies of various stripes who see the social and sexual environment to some functional degree or another. Beyond them on the spectrum there are empaths and highly sensitives who have a much greater feeling for others emotions. All I’m looking for is someone on another part of the spectrum – the highly aware. There MUST be people out there like that. So why can’t I find them?
I don’t want everybody to be able to see me, but it would be nice if there were a few people around that I could connect with in that way. I’ve been thinking that if I can’t find anyone then I should just enable some people, but it’s so risky. Not just to their own mental state but also to the upholding culture as a whole. “Mythspace collapse” is what I call it and I consider it to be a dangerous prospect with the potential of unrestrained revolution.
So there’s my dilemma. Wanting to say enough that I can describe myself to anyone like me but not so much that I give the whole game away and risk collapse of the mythspace in which we all so ‘happily’ live. Well it keeps most people going pretty well. The mythspace has big downsides for sure but if we didn’t have those myths things could really go to crap in my opinion. I just want to help some of the people that have really lost out to those myths and connect with a few likeminded people who can see the environment. Surely that can’t be so hard. If there’s anyone out there who can help please do.
Before I go I’ll just put my standard disclaimer: If you do know the contents of the psycho-sexual environment please do not mention the specifics in the comments. Feel free to DM by all means though. In fact I encourage it!